2006-01-25 - 5:25 p.m. I watched With Honors the other night with a couple of members from my community. It's a fair movie, as movies go, and not to give away the ending or anything, I had to run out of the movie in a panic when the death watch started. I just couldn't be in that room anymore. I almost fell while running up the stairs, and I almost dropped my dinner dishes as I hurriedly gathered them up.But I got away from the movie without any major mishaps, and then I crumpled to the floor in the chapel and cried my heart out-- deep, gut wrenching sobs. I actually drooled on myself I was crying to hard. It's been four months since my grandmother died. But this movie comes along and some guy's laying in bed and I think of her in the hospital during those last days, those last minutes... and then afterwards when she was no longer Mimi, but just... just... not Mimi anymore. I thought I was okay, really. I thought I was done with all the heavy mourning. But I guess the lesson is that it doesn't really stop hurting. Not completely. Not ever. But I suppose it's better. Was a time I couldn't hear any sort of reference to death without freaking. How does this happen? And when does it go away? Why do we love so much? Why are we so vulnerable? Why is life so short?
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