2003-11-13 - 8:24 p.m.

A few months back, before I came here, John told me a story. He said that about six months into the year, the volunteers came to him complaining that they still felt like outsiders. John said, "Well, you are outsiders."

And I though, how true.

And I decided I didn't want to be one of those people who comes in thinking they know all the answers, and trying to change everything... I was going to be here for anyone who needed me, but I was not going to impose myself on the already established community.

And then I began my work in Chicago.

I realize now that I erred on the side of caution. In an attempt to not be imposing, I kind of blocked myself off to real human contact with the teens that I work with. I didn't even realize I was doing it until this past weekend.

Two things happened then.

One was that I did a ritual where I had a frank discussion with myself and whoever else might have been around about things in my life that I needed to change. One was that I needed to chill out- stop caring too much about how other people perceived me, and open myself up.

The second was that we had a service group visit from a high school in Minnesota. The girl portion of that group stayed at our house, and I was a "guide" of sorts to the whole group for much of their visit. And I saw how free they were with the kids at Holy Cross- and how the kids responded to that- and I realized my mistake immediately.

So I broke down those barriers I had put up-- and it was amazing.

I walked into art class on Monday and just smiled and talked and acted like myself without any of the reserves I had put in my behavior to keep from being pushy... and my group really responded to it. They started talking to me about everything they were doing in their classes, what they wanted out of life, the troubles they were having. I opened myself to them, and they opened themselves to me.

And it continues. And it's great. And I am so thankful that the MN group came, and that I wisened up.

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