2003-10-02 - 2:47 p.m. My mind gets tangled into stories sometimes. Stories that I'm writing, and stories that I'm reading. Stories that I hear, or that come in my dreams. Stories that I make up about people on the bus. All these stories. Always in my head. Always distracting me from "real" life.I know it bothers Michael. He doesn't ever say it, but I see worried or annoyed looks in his eyes and I know that it's because part of me is caught in some story again. But lately, these past weeks or however long, the stories have been adding up, so that now the stories in my head even distract me from other stories in my head. The first time I remember being so all-encompassed by a story, it was an unformed story in my head that took place many galaxies away in a place called "the goo-goo cluster". I was in a grocery store with my mom and I must have been four or five or six, because I could read it- there, on the shiny silver wrapper. Goo-goo cluster. My mind was sent on twirling rampages of characters with funny hair and space suits and, and worlds where trees had blue leaves and people could jump so far that it almost felt like flying. There were all these intricate plots ever flowing through my head. No, I would have been five or six, because I remember no paying attention to the librarian at school, and having no idea what I was supposed to be doing in this strange new room, because I was so distracted by stories already inside of me. Within the last few years, Harry Potter has done that to me. I'm a grown woman, still plagued by dreaminess, becuase of children's books. Sometimes I think that that guy on the 700 club was right, and that JK Rowling did make some sort of pact with the devil, because even on the fourth reading of the series up through book four, I would still get lost... But fanfiction. Cindy's latest work of fanfiction- an ongoing project called "Blast from the past", has got me lost again. All these other inter-related stories flow through my head, and I may as well know all of these people because they occupy my thoughts just as much as Elizabeth and Dustin and Devon and Autumn and Kevin and Jeremy. These characters are friends that I left when I left Tennessee. They're from that recent, but other, part of my life. They're real to me. I was standing in the kitchen, hovering around the microwave as I waited for the water to heat so that I could drink coffee that was both decaf AND instant, and I thought, what I need is to be paid for getting lost in my imagination. But then I thought, no, i don't really want to get paid for it, because that would cheapen it somehow- make it NECESSARY rather than just a part of me. Really, I just want my life to be that. That's one of my struggles. Always has been. Those stories in my head. If I go with them too much, then I neglect the things of my outer life (like my husband's giggles, and my desire to work). But if I overlook them too much, my imagination starts failing me. And my memory's already shot- if I lose my imagination, then I've lost my excuse for my poor memory. But the point is that people like me should either definitely, or definitely not, read at the same time: The Lord of the Rings Harry Potter fanfiction* and Sandman comics and they should definitely, or definitely not, also be writing a fantasy novel at the same time. Because it's fun. And distracting. *www.fanfiction.net- click on find, then type in wintermoon2, then click on Blast from the Past, which is good, if you're into that sort of thing, which I apparently am.
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